Five Tips To Enjoy Mindfulness Intimacy With Your Love Partner

Close-up of couple’s feet at luxury resort

February and Valentine’s day go together like two peas in a pod and are the perfect opportunity to discuss topics of Romance and Love- Mindful style. Together these move you to experience sacred love that connects you with your inner divinity. If you are into mindful living this is definitely the type of intimacy you want to enjoy with your lover.  


Here are my five tips to make your intimacy more mindful.

1.Release expectations. Mindful intimacy is all about enjoying the moment without looking to what’s next or what happened before. Focus on the journey and not the destination. When you can cultivate the discipline to focus on today and love what is without expectations, what happens down the road can never disappoint you.

2. Remove Judgment:Mindful intimacy is about practicing non judgmental awareness. Judgment happens in the head and mindfulness happens in the heart. You may be addicted to living in a transactional society so love that does not come with conditions may seem hard to believe in. The heart feels so if your love feels right go with it and enjoy the moment, even if it does not make complete sense in your head. If you truly are in your heart, it will eventually.


3. Transparency:  Mindful intimacy is about being open about who you love. If there is a need to keep the relationship hidden from your parents, children, friends, partner or other, you may like to rethink your relationship until conditions allow for transparency. Any worry will prevent you from being present. Be open about the relationship and private about the rest.


3. Sensual: Mindful intimacy is about engaging all seven senses so choosing the right sounds, textures, scents, food and drink, decor to encourage the gradual building of heat. Don’t forget about the sixth and seventh senses – your sense of intuition and oneness, these are key to finding the right partner to experience the divine with.  I discuss these senses in Chapter Six of my book Stepping into Consciousness- A Guide to living a Life of Joy, meaning & Abundance.


4. Simplicity: Like all things mindful, Mindful intimacy is all about keeping it simple. Simplicity helps you live in the present moment by removing stimuli that can distract, worry or make you anxious. 

And of course, don’t be shy about using your favourite essential oils- a few drops in your bathtub, massage oil or in your candle. Here are my five top Essential Oils for Lovers of Romance: Cinnamon, Ylang Ylang, Cardamon, Clove and Passion that you can get from my essential oil shop.

Release Expectations, Remove Judgment, Be Transparent, Tap into your Senses and Keep it simple so you can enjoy mindfulness in your intimate relationships, as well as, all your relationships. When you focus on loving what is, in the here and now, regardless of what happened yesterday or may happen tomorrow nothing can take away from the love you are feeling right now.

Enjoy the love!

Nicole

Nicole Rolland is the author of  “Stepping into Consciousness- A Guide to Living a Life of Joy, Meaning, and Abundance”  and the owner of Nicole Rolland Yoga & Meditation (NRYM)Nicole Rolland Yoga & Meditation Yoga, Meditation and Mindfulness Coaching T (1) 514.824.8510
​info@nicolerolland.com www.nicolerolland.com


How To Stop The Silencing Cycle So You Can Live From The Heart

Do you ever feel silenced or notice that you are silencing someone else? Being silenced, in any form, is never a pleasant feeling. By the same token, listening to a truth that makes you uncomfortable is equally unpleasant. A truth feels good if it’s one you agree with and live by. However it feels less good when it ruffles your feathers. Though the need to silence is a legitimate one and I get that, having experienced being silenced myself, as well as, silencing others, silencing is not a loving thing to do. I offer some tips on how to stop the silencing cycle so you can move into your heart.

What does it mean to silence others?

Silencing to me is all about not listening to a truth and preventing someone (including yourself) from sharing the perfection of their true nature. Humans are meant to shine so when they are prevented from shining (or preventing themselves) from shining they are being silenced. To shine of course means different things to different people. Take a few minutes and bring your awareness to how you like to sparkle? what do you do that makes you glow with the radiance that you are? breathe…and notice what comes up for you.

I see that all truths are part of the one great Truth that we are Truth. I discuss this more fully in Chapter Six “Discovering and Living Our Truth” of Stepping into Consciousness- A guide to living a Life of Joy, Meaning, & Abundance so in effect all truths are equal. If this is something that resonates with you and you are curious about expanding your consciousness to the frequency of love you may want to get a copy of my book .

Get Your Copy Here

Silencing is also a narcissistic tactic used to uphold a truth as being right rather than wrong. Narcissistic behaviour is fearful and distrustful. It fears being wrong, made fun of, isolated, making a mistake… When you question the motive behind a truth being shared or the authority of the person sharing a truth, as if some people have a right to share truths and others don’t, you are choosing a narcissistic viewpoint.  I believe that if you are committed to living from the heart you absolutely need to get over this limiting belief. To learn more about my views on narcissism you may want to go back to my previous blog What Is The Root Cause Of Narcissism And What Can You Do About It?

As a self protective mechanism, silencing can also protect you from truths that are painful or that you are just not ready to hear. There are countless examples that demonstrate this point. For instance, the world was not ready for Galileo’s truth that the world was round so he was silenced, Germany did not have the courage to silence Hitler but Hitler was all too eager to silence others. Leaders and followers of all kind continue to silence others by ignoring, threatening, punishing, hurting, excluding, insulting, with holding favour, not taking responsibility, playing “dumb”…

How have you been silenced? How have you silenced others?

The Silencing Cycle

Living in Fear and Judgment……>Silencing….Not accepting the Truth of who you are….>Living in Fear and Judgment…

Bring your awareness to how you collude with this cycle in your various interactions and notice what comes up for you:

  • At home: with your partner, siblings, parents, children…
  • At work: with your colleagues, boss, employees, clients, competitors…
  • Socially: with your friends, your acquaintances…
  • Out in the world: with strangers, social media, the internet, professionals, institutions…

Now bring your awareness to how you could stop colluding with this cycle by adopting the following principles of living from the heart:

  • Practice non judgmental awareness rather than judgment
  • Practise OTFG: Openness, Trust, Forgiveness and Gratitude
  • Accept yourself as whole and perfect
  • Be guided by your soul rather than your ego
  • Bring in qualities of allowing, letting go, unity, equality and cooperation

and notice what comes up now for you…

Much love and gratitude,

Nicole

Nicole Rolland is the author of  “Stepping into Consciousness- A Guide to Living a Life of Joy, Meaning, and Abundance”  and the owner of Nicole Rolland Yoga & Meditation (NRYM)Nicole Rolland Yoga & Meditation Yoga, Meditation and Mindfulness Coaching T (1) 514.824.8510
​info@nicolerolland.com www.nicolerolland.com

You Are Not A Robot- How to avoid becoming swallowed up by technology

I don’t know about you but sometimes I fear technology is trying to take over the world and turn us into robotic versions of who we truly are. It almost feels like we are on the brink of  WWIII- Humans against robots. You no doubt, like myself, appreciate all the conveniences of our modern world and may worry that you are becoming too dependent on technology.

Perhaps, you also notice how the world around you is becoming increasingly automated. You may wonder how you or the next generation will be able to effectively compete against artificial intelligence. You may even believe that you need to become more and more robotic to have a secure place in society.

If, like me, you value being human and are looking for ways to prevent yourself from becoming sucked into a robotic way of being, here are five tips to prevent you from becoming swallowed up into the vortex of technology.

1.Keep your vibration high

Spending time in nature is the most important thing you can do to mitigate the harmful effects that technology may have on your body/mind and spirit. It re-calibrates your vibration to the frequency of nature. The more time you spend on your phone and the internet the more you attune yourself to the frequency of man-made technology. To learn more about raising your rate of vibration you may want to read Power vs Force by David R. Hawkins M.D. Ph.D.

Other ways to keep your vibration up for example, include following your passion and tapping into your own well of creativity, practicing heart-based yoga, chanting high frequency mantras, listening to music…. If you need an extra boost, try getting a healing massage or receiving energy work such as Reiki, Sound Healing or Cranio-Sacral. To Learn more about rates of vibration you may also want to read Chapter 2 “Understanding and living the universal principles “of Stepping into Consciousness- a Guide to Living a Life of Joy, Meaning, and Abundance.

2. Awaken your 7 senses

I believe that the combination of aging, societal norms and life experience numb the senses. For instance notice how with age, senses seem to need an extra boost to do their job: salt and flavour enhancers are added to food, chemicals to scents, noise to sound, synthetic fibers to natural coverings and make up to natural beauty. You may not even trust your own intuition because you are so used to relying on outside gurus rather than your inner truth. Even the sense of oneness that you came into the world with, when you were connected to your mother and the world through her, often gets forgotten and needs to be remembered. To learn more about my teachings on the process of ascension of the seven senses, you may be interested in chapter 6 “Discovering and Living our truth” of Stepping into Consciousness- a Guide to Living a Life of Joy, Meaning, and Abundance. 

Once you start to smell, taste, feel, hear and see vividly through these five primary senses you can then sense with your heart and soul your interconnectedness with the world around you. This enables you to preserve the human qualities that make you human rather than robotic. No need to look, speak or think like a robot.

3. Show affection and share true feelings

Only once you have re-awoken your 7 senses can you feel comfortable showing real affection and sharing true feelings. Perhaps you already do this within the confines of your circle of loved ones but cannot fully open up to the love around you. This is normal, you have no doubt tried and been hurt in the past. It is imperative that you try again, take baby steps and remember everyone is in the same boat. Until this happens you will continue to live in fear about embarrassing yourself, being made fun of, being judged as weak, negative or whatever prevents you from showing up as “you”.

Real strength comes from sharing who you truly are, not by wearing a strong mask glued on with crazy glue or erecting fortifying walls around your heart. Having a positive outlook has little to do with saying positive things but more about being honest and accepting of what is.

4. Show vulnerability to heal shame

You are vulnerable on many levels, regardless of how many “resources” you think you have at your disposal. You can get sick, have an accident, get hurt, taken advantage of, or get caught in a natural disaster at any moment, just like anyone. Placing your attention on what doesn’t last rather than on what does – the perfection of your very soul, just makes you all the more vulnerable. When you focus on your perfection, that part of you that is always whole, you become truly invulnerable because you have nothing to fear. Make mistakes, welcome them in and share them with others so mistakes become celebrated as opportunities for growth rather than daggers to reinforce shame.

Learn to be you, not a robot.

5. Spread love where you go and in all you do

As you embody the love that you are, you will naturally spread love to all you meet and in all you do. Don’t neglect spreading love on the internet and using your technology in loving ways. This will influence AI in a positive fashion so the robots you do come into contact with be loving, compassionate and kind ones 🙂 Spread love as much as you can and to the best of your ability. Set your boundaries and protect your energy first and foremost by following my five pillars to spiritual living.

Watch my Five Pillars to spiritual living on my Youtube channel

  • Let go of expectation
  • Manage your ego
  • Face fears
  • Take responsibility
  • Connect to a larger purpose are five ways to help you spread the love that you are in a way that not only makes you and others feel good but that also feeds AI the love it needs to build its own loving intelligence.

Namaste and many blessings to you,

Nicole

Join me for my next event in Montreal “How meditation and mindfulness can help” – A one hour talk to learn more about meditation and mindfulness.  Thursday  January 17, 2019 from 7.30 to 8.30 pm                                                          Cité Enseignes Graphiques: 2962 Lapierre, Lasalle, H8N 2W9

Reserve here

Nicole Rolland is the author of  “Stepping into Consciousness- A Guide to Living a Life of Joy, Meaning, and Abundance”  and the owner of Nicole Rolland Yoga & Meditation (NRYM)Nicole Rolland Yoga & Meditation Yoga, Meditation and Mindfulness Coaching T (1) 514.824.8510
​info@nicolerolland.com www.nicolerolland.com

What Is The Root Cause Of Narcissism And What Can You Do About It?

Narcissism can be considered the shadow side of healthy self love where a person falls in love with an image of who they think they are rather than their true self. Narcissistic behaviour will go to extreme lengths to protect this image. Narcissists are disconnected from their  true nature and enjoy using patriarchal tools of  control, division, establishing hierarchy, and fostering competition to meet their needs. Matriarchal qualities, on the other hand, favour letting go, unity, equality and cooperation. I see that the dual reality is more paternalistic, whereas oneness is anchored in a matriarchal mindset. So, what causes narcissism? 

Shame leads to narcissism

Shame is archetypal and thrives in duality and dies in oneness. What does this mean? Basically the more you live in a reality where you judge something as worthy/unworthy, right/wrong, good/bad the more you will live in a place of shame. On the other hand, when you are able to move to a place of oneness where everything is perfect just the way it is there is no shame because there is no judgment of right/wrong, beautiful/ugly and good/ bad. There is simply what is.

 Shame goes hand in hand with judgment

Wherever there is judgment there will be shame. Wherever there is fear there will be judgment. Ergo shame and fear are one and the same. There can be shame in being a woman, but also in being  a man; in being poor, but also in being rich; in being ugly, but also in being beautiful; in being young, but also in being old… Remove the fear and you remove the shame. 

Judgment….. > Fear ….. > Shame

What is at the root of shame?

The root of it all in my opinion is the fear of being “you”- a “you” that is unique and different from the rest. I believe this fear is deeply ingrained because of the fear of being judged. Who likes to be judged? From working with many clients over the years, not many is the answer. What would you do to avoid being judged? What have you done in the past to avoid being judged? What have you judged? Take a few minutes, breathe and notice what comes up for you….

Perhaps  you felt compelled to hide your true thoughts and feelings to fit in, to not stand up for something you believed in, or conversely, to stand up for something you did not believe in. Whatever strategy you chose, you chose it for a reason that made sense to you at the time. Thankfully, you can now learn more about your fears and how to move past them so you can live mindfully in my Ten Week Mindful Living Program which begins September 19, 2019  in Montreal. You will finally get all the answers you need to love yourself for who you are, just the way you are. 

The root of all shame is pretending you are like everyone else and hiding your uniqueness 

How are shame and narcissism connected?

The more someone buys into the dual reality of the patriarchy, the more that person is surrounded by judgment and fear. As a result, he may feel pushed by the need to prove that he is right at all costs. Narcissists do this by elevating themselves by putting others down. A narcissist cannot see her own perfection so cannot rely on her own inner power to elevate herself. Consequently, she steals it from others. 

How to heal shame?

The more you buy into a story that being “you” is wrong, the more difficult it will be for you to remember your true self. When you can tap into the perfection of your true nature, you can heal the deep seated shame of being uniquely you and find your place in the oneness of life.

Oneness Does Not Mean Sameness 

Just like your arm is different from your leg- they are both one with your body and when they work together they can help you get from point A to point B more efficiently than if you relied on one or the other. So too are you different from your neighbour, but just as important. 

When you heal shame you can heal any narcissist tendencies you have that you or anyone else is better/worse, superior/inferior,  or more/less worthy somehow. Here are three steps to heal shame: 

  • Practice self- acceptance: Step out of judgment and fear
  • Build community that is right for you: Find your tribe 
  • Show vulnerability: Connect to your inner perfection  

To properly understand how to remember the perfection that you are and have always been and to apply the principles you need so you and your loved ones can heal from shame once and for all, it’s important to read Stepping into Consciousness- A Guide to Living a Life of Joy, Meaning, and Abundance.

Get your personalized copy of Stepping into Consciousness- A Guide to Living a Life of Joy, Meaning, & Abundance Today.

Namaste,

Nicole

Join me for my next event in Montreal “How meditation and mindfulness can help”  Info session to learn more about meditation and mindfulness.  Thursday  January 17, 2019 from 7.15 to 8.15 pm                                                          Centre Greene: 1090 Greene avenue, Westmount, H3Z 1Z9

RSVP to reserve your spot Here

Nicole Rolland is the author of  “Stepping into Consciousness- A Guide to Living a Life of Joy, Meaning, and Abundance”  and the owner of Nicole Rolland Yoga & Meditation (NRYM)- Yoga, Meditation and Mindfulness Coaching

T (1) 514.824.8510
​info@nicolerolland.com 

www.nicolerolland.com

Thoughts On Forgiveness- How Never To Say Sorry

Jesus’ words from the cross – “Forgive them for they know not what they do” asking forgiveness for those who put him to death reminds me of the hurt we unwillingly inflict on each other and mother earth- not because of malicious intent but more because of neglect- neglecting to remember our true nature.

What happens to a neglected garden? Weeds take root, spread and prevent the flowers you planted from blossoming. The same holds true when you neglect your spiritual garden- lies take root, spread and prevent your truth from blossoming into remembering the one great Truth that you are Truth.

The one great Truth is you are Truth

Why does this happen?

The ego does not want you to remember your true nature which explains the direct correlation between ego driven people and the need to forgive their unloving behaviour. The ego loathes true love as it gets in the way of upholding the patriarchal values of control, division, competition and  hierarchy it holds so dear.

The ego of course, also plays a useful role in keeping you safe, and it’s only when it tries to take over your inner wisdom and you allow yourself to be defined by it that it becomes problematic.

So what to do?

Forgive yourself for neglecting your garden and make amends. Don’t bother saying sorry- that is another empty word in my opinion, like the words nice, happy and successful. The word “sorry” keeps you trapped in the dual reality of feeling guilt and shame- guilt that you have done something wrong and shame that you are wrong. Instead, you want to move past saying sorry and go straight to making amends.

What is an amend?

An amend, in my opinion, is an action that reflects the fact that you have remembered the Truth of who you are.

How to make an amend?

One way, is to connect that part of you that is always loving, kind and  compassionate and then make a gesture- in thought, word or action. You return like with like. If you regret an action you did to someone, you make amends with an action. If you uttered words you wish were never said, you chose new words and, in a similar way, new thoughts will make amends for thoughts you would like to undo. The other person doesn’t even need to know about it. The energy of the action will be enough to wipe the slate clean.

Namaste,

Nicole

Join me for my next event in Montreal “How meditation and mindfulness can help”  Info session to learn more about meditation and mindfulness.  Tuesday December, 2018 from 6.30 to 8 pm                                                          2962 Rue Lapierre in Lasalle.                                                                                                  RSVP to reserve your spot Here

Nicole Rolland is the author of  “Stepping into Consciousness- A Guide to Living a Life of Joy, Meaning, and Abundance”  and the owner of Nicole Rolland Yoga & Meditation (NRYM)

Nicole Rolland Yoga & Meditation
Yoga, Meditation and Mindfulness Coaching
T (1) 514.824.8510
​info@nicolerolland.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How to Play “Move Into Your Heart”

Here’s a little game I created called “Move into your Heart“.

This is how it works:

Replace each item from list A with a corresponding item from list B and notice what happens….

List A: NRYM top ten things people seem to want and struggle to achieve
List B: NRYM top 10 things people truly want and can easily achieve

visit here to play

Enjoy!

Nicole

Nicole Rolland

Nicole Rolland is the author of  “Stepping into Consciousness- A Guide to Living a Life of Joy, Meaning, and Abundance”  and the owner of Nicole Rolland Yoga & Meditation (NRYM)

Nicole Rolland Yoga & Meditation
Yoga, Meditation and Mindfulness Coaching
T (1) 514.824.8510
​info@nicolerolland.com

 

 

 

 

 

How To Step Back So Mindfulness Can Step In

Living mindfully is all about living in the present moment in a place of non judgment and acceptance- this takes time and patience. You cannot expect to achieve this after an evening seminar, a thought provoking book, a weekend workshop, a teacher certification..and no, a trip to India will not bestow enlightened status either.  In fact you cannot be looking for it at all, it just happens gradually, in its own time, guided by an invisible force that leads the way. So, How to step back so mindfulness can step in? Here are 5 tips to help you live more mindfully.

  1. Let go of expectations.  Though every action leads to a reaction, when you let go of expectations you are not placing a hope on a intended reaction. Instead, during interactions, do not think about what you may or may not get out of the exchange or feel that you need to protect/defend your point of you. Simply allow the exchange to unfold. Replace expectation and enjoy the experience.                                                                                                                                                        
  2. Stop judging. A judgment keeps you trapped in duality – right/wrong, good/bad, better/worse. It also keeps you tethered to expectation where you risk disappointment. If you do something better than someone else you will get a higher reward: more money, increased status, a promotion, more friends…  Replace judgment with observations.                                                                                                                              
  3. Step way from consumerism. Consumerism equates with needing more to satisfy the ego. The ego is never satisfied with what is. It pushes you to acquire more so you can feel that you are more somehow.  This does not mean you need to deprive yourself in any way. Instead, choose to fill your heart with gratitude.  Replace needing more with having what you need.                                                                                                  
  4. Embrace contradictions. It makes sense to want clarity. However, the issue arises when clarity pushes you into an “all or nothing” binary mindset. For instance, you can be successful, smart, disciplined, loving in one area of your life and ignorant, weak willed, sneaky and manipulative in another. To  bring polar opposites  of black and white together to create the colour grey accept all parts of your multifaceted self. Replace “all or nothing” thinking with acceptance of all that is.                                                                                                              
  5. Don’t get discouraged.  Give yourself a second, third, fourth, fifth…. chance when you make a mistake. When learning basic skills like reading, writing, and arithmetic  you don’t quit after a setback. You do what is needed to learn to read, write and do your sums so you can function in the world. Learning to live mindfully is a skill that is just as important. When you find yourself giving in to worry and fear, get curious about new ways to move into the here and now present tense. Replace discouragement  with  curiosity.                                                                                                                                                                       ….and then perhaps, the more you can let go of expectations, stop judging, step away from consumerism, embrace contradictions and limit discouragement, you may notice that you are spending more and more time enjoying the present moment without even trying.

Allow yourself to step back so mindfulness can step in

To learn more, join me for my next event in Montreal                                     “How meditation and mindfulness can help”                                                              Info session to learn more about meditation and mindfulness.                            Thursday January 17, 2019                                                                                                       7.30 to 8.30 pm                                                                                                                              2962 Rue Lapierre in Lasalle.                                                                                                  RSVP to reserve your spot Here                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Namaste,

Nicole

Nicole Rolland

Nicole Rolland is the author of  “Stepping into Consciousness- A Guide to Living a Life of Joy, Meaning, and Abundance”  and the owner of Nicole Rolland Yoga & Meditation (NRYM)

Nicole Rolland Yoga & Meditation
Yoga, Meditation and Mindfulness Coaching
T (1) 514.824.8510
​info@nicolerolland.com

How To Keep Your Ego In Check So It Does Not Hinder Your Spiritual Growth?

Living aligned with values and truth is not always easy and, even less so, when you feel pressure to compete in order to survive. With the recent explosion of all things related to wellness and health, yoga is feeling the pressure too. The proliferation of yoga has attracted a lot more resources than it has in the past, making yoga a more attractive commodity. However, dovetailing on this popularity is “bottom line” thinking needed to survive in what has become, to me, a cut throat market. This in turn, compromises yoga’s very foundation as a spiritual practice.

I believe yoga is spirituality and spirituality is yoga- they are one. Spirituality is in the realm of the soul and resides in the loving heart. It is not possible, in my humble opinion, that spirituality is connected to something other than true love. That to me, is just not spirituality. Running a business, on the other hand,  happens with the help of the ego in the head. Inevitably the ego will but heads (excuse the pun 🙂 with your Spirit. So what can you do, as a student of yoga to keep your ego in check so it does not stand in the way of your spiritual growth?

  1. Commit to your spiritual growth. One of the  many Universal laws that govern life states that if you are not growing you are shrinking. Therefore, in my opinion, when you commit to your spirituality you are also committing to growing spiritually.  Spiritual growth cannot happen unless your spirit is running the show so your ego needs to take a back seat. There is a steep learning curve here and it doesn’t take long before realizing that moving your ego from the front seat to the back takes work and then getting it to stay there takes time.
  2. Understand growth is out of your control. Growth does not happen in a vacuum. Your Spirit is unbounded and limitless and cannot be contained. There are many components to spiritual growth. First of all the three dimensions of Body/Mind/ and Spirit need to expand. Sometimes the three grow in unison and sometimes they don’t. Furthermore your B/M/Spirit needs to keep pace, without getting too far ahead or too far behind, with the growth of others around you. This further gets complicated by the fact that every living thing has a consciousness that vibrates differently and is seeking others that vibrate at the same speed. Growth seems to have a mind of its own so all you can do is learn to flow with the flow. Like a flowing river, at times the flow is strong, at others it is weak and then at others it appears stagnant.                                                                                           
  3. Notice the role your ego is playing. Your ego will want to keep you trapped in fear where you will be worried about your “safety”- lacking in financial resources, in danger or isolated somehow. This fear will push you to be in a constant state of wanting more- To fortify your fort and stockpile resources, as it were. This need for more is what keeps you trapped in stress and anxiety until you realize that you will only feel safe when you connect to your true nature. Nothing outside of you will ever provide true safety. No amount of money, status, friends, job will ever be able to create the  “safety” you are looking for. Greed and waste are the bi-products of the ego chasing after what it thinks it needs to be safe rather than what it truly desires to be free. The ego is never happy with what is. Spirituality is all about dwelling in the perfection of the present moment.
  4. Notice the role your soul is playing.  When you experience love, peace, trust and are in a place of oneness with all there is, you are living in your soul and being guided by your inner wisdom. This wisdom wants you to remember your soul and connect to its perfection.  In Oneness there can be no competition only cooperation. How can you compete with yourself?  Does your hand compete with your foot? No they both work together, honouring the different roles they each play. Likewise, how can you compete with your neighbour who is part of the same whole as you ?
  5. Notice attachments and practice detachment.  Notice what you are attached to: money, spouse, friends, family, children, pets, home,  status, health, job, addictions, youth…Detaching from your attachments does not necessarily mean letting them go, it means realizing that your “happiness” does not depend on them. Like everything in life, the magic happens when you begin to accept.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Next event in Montreal:                                                                                                     “How meditation and mindfulness can help”                                                              Info night to learn how these practices can help you lower stress and increase inner peace.                                                                                                                  Tuesday November 27, 2018 from 6.30 to 8.30 pm                                                        2962 Rue Lapierre in Lasalle.                                                                                                  RSVP to reserve your spot Here                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Namaste,

Nicole

Nicole Rolland

Nicole Rolland is the author of  “Stepping into Consciousness- A Guide to Living a Life of Joy, Meaning, and Abundance”  and the owner of Nicole Rolland Yoga & Meditation (NRYM)

Nicole Rolland Yoga & Meditation
Yoga, Meditation and Mindfulness Coaching
T (1) 514.824.8510
​info@nicolerolland.com

 

 

 

 

 

Six Practical Tips to Stand Up To The Patriarchy And For What You Believe In

I don’t know about you, but I am rather distraught about recent news items. It’s easy to feel powerless and ignore egregious injustices happening in the world and this trend seems to only be gaining momentum. Rather than waiting for the proverbial saviour, I believe we can each help reverse the tide by pushing out of our comfort zone. This means standing up to the patriarchy and for what we believe in.

I have said this before, the patriarchal mindset was helpful for a long time, it has accomplished great things and a lot of good has come out of it. However, I also believe it’s gone as far as it needs to go. What is needed now is change- Change to a more caring and loving way of interacting with one another.

In a previous blog “Is Colluding With The Patriarchy The Only Way?“, I defined what the patriarchy means to me- as any structure that is controlling, divisive, hierarchical and competitive, I  offered five things you can do to build awareness and suggested a new vision of how you could live more lovingly with your neighbour. Today, I share some actionable steps to stand up to the patriarchy and create change. Yes, change is possible- when everyone does their bit together, mountains can be moved.

  1. Get Angry                                                                                                                                    Get over any limiting beliefs that your anger is wrong. This notion that anger is wrong is a foil the patriarchy uses to control you. When basic human rights are violated you have every reason to get angry. Face any ingrained fears of being labelled angry, an angry person, having anger issues, crazy, hysterical, irrational,  or being accused of having some kind of mental illness…                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Historically real change has happened in the wake of  angry men and women who have allowed their anger to fuel action: The Civil Rights Movement, the Sufragettes, the Resistance, Political Revolutions… Leaders of these movements did not always appear to be zen, peace loving people, they wanted change and their anger galvanized action. By the same token, some of the most calculating psychopaths we know of appear calm, composed and charming on the surface. Healing anger is not about eradicating it but learning to express it in healthy ways.                                                                                                                                                                                                       You don’t need to start a movement or lead a march to make a difference, but you can give yourself permission to feel what you are feeling and hold it in a loving space. It then becomes easier to express in a safe way, and used as a catalyst for change. Anger (and all emotion for that matter) appears to make people uncomfortable when it gets unleashed. Inevitably this happens as a result of it being kept under lock and key.                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Learn to safely express anger and harness it to support rather than harm 

2. Share concerns                                                                                                                  There is a genuine need to belong and be part of a pack and that is fine, but when this need is also laced with a fear of being kicked out for expressing valid concerns this becomes problematic. Rather than respecting differing points of view, these concerns get perceived as criticism and negativity by the narcissistic mindset rather than ideas and opinions worth listening to.                                                                                                                                                  Whenever any group punishes, in any way, its members for voicing concerns they are reinforcing principles of control, division, hierarchy and competition. This can unwillingly push people to become so enthralled with embracing group think that they become  cheerleaders, often cheering just for the sake of being seen as a team player rather than cheering because their heart is truly into it.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             Learn to voice and listen to concerns with compassion  

3. Get curious 

When you are learning to stand up for what you believe in, judgement is not helpful. Whether you are judging yourself or someone else, judgment will get in the way by keeping you trapped in duality. Instead, chose to become curious. Curiosity helps foster empathy so you can look at a situation from different angles without getting emotionally charged. “ummm interesting that she/he/I said/did/thought…wonder why that was said/done or thought…” Get over any worries about making  a mistake, being misunderstood or judged .                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             Your ego may fear standing out from the pack because you have no doubt been punished in the past for ruffling some feathers. You may have received the message that it was safer to stay on the sidelines. I believe that your true self always accepts the reality of any situation you are in without judging it in a binary fashion. As more and more stand up for what they believe in, it becomes easier for others to follow suit. This happens  because the quantum field of consciousness changes each time a new person finds the courage to say “enough is enough!”.

Learn to practice non judgmental awareness 

4) Take action                                                                                                                       Weigh the costs of taking a stand and determine how much you are willing to risk. Are you willing to leave your job because your boss is asking you to act out of integrity with yourself? Are you willing to share a controversial opinion at a party with your peers? Are you willing to defend a friend, a colleague, a child whom you believe has been unfairly treated? Are you willing to post a concern on Facebook when you are in the minority, “FB like” a controversial comment or simply share a personal message no one else will see. Whatever your comfort level, take some kind of action and push yourself beyond what you would do normally.

Learn to weigh the cost, decide how far to go and take some form of action

5) Trust Life  

The patriarchy teaches us that if we don’t follow the rules or make a “mistake” we will be poor, alone, unprotected and therefore will suffer and be unsafe in the world.  This belief keeps us shackled to the patriarchal mindset. My opinion is that when we believe our needs will be met they will be and when we believe that they will not be, they will not. If you want to free yourself from the hold the patriarchal mindset has over you, you can start believing that it is safe to be yourself and to be your own master.                                                                                                                                                                            In your heart, you know you will be fine if you leave that job that depletes you, that marriage that demeans you, those friends that criticize you, those colleagues that don’t respect you. It is in your head, that you feel worry and fear. You have the power within your heart to do what it takes to feel nourished, honoured and accepted.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Learn to trust the wisdom in your heart 

6. Keep It Simple 

The patriarchy wants you to believe that you need a lot of “stuff” to be safe and you need to be “busy” to be productive. This is another limiting belief that keeps you shackled to the patriarchal system. How can you afford your house, cars, schools, clothes, trips, parties and fun unless you continue to accept the rules dictated by the patriarchy? You have choices and there are alternatives. You do not need these distractions you only think you do.                                                                                                                                                                          Learn to connect to what you truly desire rather than what you think you need.  

Change can happen, mountains can be moved and everyone can make a difference when they stand up for what they believe in by unshackling themselves from the hold controlling, hierarchical, divisive and competitive patriarchal systems and people have over them. Replace judgment with curiosity and practice non judgmental awareness. Use your anger to fuel you towards positive action. Trust that everything will be fine by listening to your heart and then it will be easy to simplify your life.

Remember, you are doing your best and are a student in the earth school of life learning to love, just like everyone else and this, like everything else I say and write about, is just my humble opinion.  

Namaste, be kind to yourself!

Nicole

Nicole Rolland

Nicole Rolland is the author of  “Stepping into Consciousness- A Guide to Living a Life of Joy, Meaning, and Abundance”  and the owner of Nicole Rolland Yoga & Meditation (NRYM)

Nicole Rolland Yoga & Meditation
Yoga, Meditation and Mindfulness Coaching
T (1) 514.824.8510
​info@nicolerolland.com

 

How to Hold Sacred Healing Space for a Loved One?

Let’s face it, most people are uncomfortable with strong emotion- be it anger, sadness, negativity, fear, passion and even love often scares people. As a result, many will go to great lengths to avoid being confronted with emotion in themselves, or in others. They are then surprised when they witness violent outbreaks, pandemics of depression, suicide, drug abuse, mystery illnesses or even homelessness.

Emotions are catalysts for growth and change so a potent healing tool is not being used each time an emotion is suppressed.  In fact, I believe we are each being invited to learn to honour our emotions for the gifts they truly are. What can you do to allow your emotions to guide you and your loved ones into deeper levels of health and wellness?

Choice to wound or to heal 

You each have the capacity to heal or to wound with every word you utter, action you take and thought that goes through your head. (Of course, the recipient also has to make the choice to be healed or hurt). When children are forced to swallow tears, anger, criticism, or sadness for example,  feelings of shame are perpetuated  where it’s not ok for them to get their needs met by the outside world. When needs are met, children learn to trust and when they trust they can grow into adults that learn to meet their own needs. The reality is that many children, despite well meaning parents,  do not learn this lesson in the safety of the family nucleus so they need to learn it as a grown up. It’s never too late to learn this skill.

So how to learn to navigate strong emotions?

The first step is to give yourself permission to feel. Ignoring an emotion or using your will to push it away does not teach you to navigate the emotion, it simply strengthens the wound. When you skillfully navigate an emotion you allow the emotion to lead you to the healing you need. Growth happens when you heal and decay happens when you avoid.

For many, this is no easy task so you may need a loved one to be there to support you through the process- This is where learning to hold sacred space can be very handy. The trick is to become a compassionate, silent witness to whatever emotion is being expressed without allowing yourself to be triggered. If you are holding space for yourself you do this by separating yourself from the emotion. You are not the emotion after all, you are simply experiencing it at this time.  You then can become your own personal witness to the emotion you are feeling.  By the same token, if you are holding the space for someone else, all you need to do is  to compassionately witness their emotion without reacting in any way. You become the mirror that validates their experience. So, for instance if your child is crying inconsolably you can just hold them lovingly in your arms until the crying stops. If your partner is raging you can lovingly hold your ground and let them vent as much as they need to. The key is to not try to stop the flow of emotion, try to fix, argue back or give advice in any way.

Watch out! you may become triggered yourself 

What often happens here is that the pain you are trying to hold space for triggers your own pain, and you suddenly find yourself overcome with emotion. When this happens, unless you learn to hold space for your own pain, this emotion will be directed to the person you are trying to support and negate any support (and possibly even deepen their wound).

If you become triggered by your loved ones pain, you can hold the space for yourself by noticing what you are feeling- sadness, anger, frustration or whatever is surfacing for you. Get curious “Ummm, interesting- I wonder why these feelings are coming up for me as I show support for this person.” Accept the feelings without judging them, breathe and allow them to wash over you until the charge is gone.

What I appreciate most about this process is how we can each heal each other – Teacher/ student, parent/child, therapist/patient…. The limiting belief that certain people, by virtue of the role they play, are more entitled than others to heal or to teach is just not correct.

Notice the shaming statements you perhaps experienced by a teacher or a family member when you were growing up and probably even used yourself at some point: “Stop crying! Don’t be a baby! Crying is for sissies! Stop manipulating me! Stop making me feel guilty! “You may have some others to add here. As you bring your awareness to these memories,  hold space for yourself and enjoy some gentle healing.

Visualize your sacred healing space

When I hold space for others or myself, I like to visualize a bubble that fills up with the emotion and then when the emotion has been fully expressed and the charge is gone the bubble vanishes. You could also visualize a mirror, a container, a body of water or anything that makes sense to you. Simply setting an intention does the job too if visualization is not your thing. There is no right or wrong way to do this. A genuine desire to support a loved one in pain is all it takes to get the ball rolling. When you “hold space” for someone the space suddenly turns into a healing space and you become a healer.  This healing space then becomes a “sacred healing space” when this space moves you one step closer to remembering the wholeness you are, have always been and will always be.

Namaste,

Nicole

Nicole Rolland

Nicole Rolland is the author of  “Stepping into Consciousness- A Guide to Living a Life of Joy, Meaning, and Abundance”  and the owner of Nicole Rolland Yoga & Meditation (NRYM)

Nicole Rolland Yoga & Meditation
Yoga, Meditation and Mindfulness Coaching
T (1) 514.824.8510
​info@nicolerolland.com