Six Practical Tips to Stand Up To The Patriarchy And For What You Believe In

I don’t know about you, but I am rather distraught about recent news items. It’s easy to feel powerless and ignore egregious injustices happening in the world and this trend seems to only be gaining momentum. Rather than waiting for the proverbial saviour, I believe we can each help reverse the tide by pushing out of our comfort zone. This means standing up to the patriarchy and for what we believe in.

I have said this before, the patriarchal mindset was helpful for a long time, it has accomplished great things and a lot of good has come out of it. However, I also believe it’s gone as far as it needs to go. What is needed now is change- Change to a more caring and loving way of interacting with one another.

In a previous blog “Is Colluding With The Patriarchy The Only Way?“, I defined what the patriarchy means to me- as any structure that is controlling, divisive, hierarchical and competitive, I  offered five things you can do to build awareness and suggested a new vision of how you could live more lovingly with your neighbour. Today, I share some actionable steps to stand up to the patriarchy and create change. Yes, change is possible- when everyone does their bit together, mountains can be moved.

  1. Get Angry                                                                                                                                    Get over any limiting beliefs that your anger is wrong. This notion that anger is wrong is a foil the patriarchy uses to control you. When basic human rights are violated you have every reason to get angry. Face any ingrained fears of being labelled angry, an angry person, having anger issues, crazy, hysterical, irrational,  or being accused of having some kind of mental illness…                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Historically real change has happened in the wake of  angry men and women who have allowed their anger to fuel action: The Civil Rights Movement, the Sufragettes, the Resistance, Political Revolutions… Leaders of these movements did not always appear to be zen, peace loving people, they wanted change and their anger galvanized action. By the same token, some of the most calculating psychopaths we know of appear calm, composed and charming on the surface. Healing anger is not about eradicating it but learning to express it in healthy ways.                                                                                                                                                                                                       You don’t need to start a movement or lead a march to make a difference, but you can give yourself permission to feel what you are feeling and hold it in a loving space. It then becomes easier to express in a safe way, and used as a catalyst for change. Anger (and all emotion for that matter) appears to make people uncomfortable when it gets unleashed. Inevitably this happens as a result of it being kept under lock and key.                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Learn to safely express anger and harness it to support rather than harm 

2. Share concerns                                                                                                                  There is a genuine need to belong and be part of a pack and that is fine, but when this need is also laced with a fear of being kicked out for expressing valid concerns this becomes problematic. Rather than respecting differing points of view, these concerns get perceived as criticism and negativity by the narcissistic mindset rather than ideas and opinions worth listening to.                                                                                                                                                  Whenever any group punishes, in any way, its members for voicing concerns they are reinforcing principles of control, division, hierarchy and competition. This can unwillingly push people to become so enthralled with embracing group think that they become  cheerleaders, often cheering just for the sake of being seen as a team player rather than cheering because their heart is truly into it.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             Learn to voice and listen to concerns with compassion  

3. Get curious 

When you are learning to stand up for what you believe in, judgement is not helpful. Whether you are judging yourself or someone else, judgment will get in the way by keeping you trapped in duality. Instead, chose to become curious. Curiosity helps foster empathy so you can look at a situation from different angles without getting emotionally charged. “ummm interesting that she/he/I said/did/thought…wonder why that was said/done or thought…” Get over any worries about making  a mistake, being misunderstood or judged .                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             Your ego may fear standing out from the pack because you have no doubt been punished in the past for ruffling some feathers. You may have received the message that it was safer to stay on the sidelines. I believe that your true self always accepts the reality of any situation you are in without judging it in a binary fashion. As more and more stand up for what they believe in, it becomes easier for others to follow suit. This happens  because the quantum field of consciousness changes each time a new person finds the courage to say “enough is enough!”.

Learn to practice non judgmental awareness 

4) Take action                                                                                                                       Weigh the costs of taking a stand and determine how much you are willing to risk. Are you willing to leave your job because your boss is asking you to act out of integrity with yourself? Are you willing to share a controversial opinion at a party with your peers? Are you willing to defend a friend, a colleague, a child whom you believe has been unfairly treated? Are you willing to post a concern on Facebook when you are in the minority, “FB like” a controversial comment or simply share a personal message no one else will see. Whatever your comfort level, take some kind of action and push yourself beyond what you would do normally.

Learn to weigh the cost, decide how far to go and take some form of action

5) Trust Life  

The patriarchy teaches us that if we don’t follow the rules or make a “mistake” we will be poor, alone, unprotected and therefore will suffer and be unsafe in the world.  This belief keeps us shackled to the patriarchal mindset. My opinion is that when we believe our needs will be met they will be and when we believe that they will not be, they will not. If you want to free yourself from the hold the patriarchal mindset has over you, you can start believing that it is safe to be yourself and to be your own master.                                                                                                                                                                            In your heart, you know you will be fine if you leave that job that depletes you, that marriage that demeans you, those friends that criticize you, those colleagues that don’t respect you. It is in your head, that you feel worry and fear. You have the power within your heart to do what it takes to feel nourished, honoured and accepted.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Learn to trust the wisdom in your heart 

6. Keep It Simple 

The patriarchy wants you to believe that you need a lot of “stuff” to be safe and you need to be “busy” to be productive. This is another limiting belief that keeps you shackled to the patriarchal system. How can you afford your house, cars, schools, clothes, trips, parties and fun unless you continue to accept the rules dictated by the patriarchy? You have choices and there are alternatives. You do not need these distractions you only think you do.                                                                                                                                                                          Learn to connect to what you truly desire rather than what you think you need.  

Change can happen, mountains can be moved and everyone can make a difference when they stand up for what they believe in by unshackling themselves from the hold controlling, hierarchical, divisive and competitive patriarchal systems and people have over them. Replace judgment with curiosity and practice non judgmental awareness. Use your anger to fuel you towards positive action. Trust that everything will be fine by listening to your heart and then it will be easy to simplify your life.

Remember, you are doing your best and are a student in the earth school of life learning to love, just like everyone else and this, like everything else I say and write about, is just my humble opinion.  

Namaste, be kind to yourself!

Nicole

Nicole Rolland

Nicole Rolland is the author of  “Stepping into Consciousness- A Guide to Living a Life of Joy, Meaning, and Abundance”  and the owner of Nicole Rolland Yoga & Meditation (NRYM)

Nicole Rolland Yoga & Meditation
Yoga, Meditation and Mindfulness Coaching
T (1) 514.824.8510
​info@nicolerolland.com

 

Is Colluding With the Patriarchy the Only Way?

You most probably collude with the patriarchy to some degree and who can blame you? The patriarchy has been running the show for a long time  and appears to provide a strong foundation to an affluent and secure life. I believe it is now time to let it go and replace it with some thing else.  There are certainly benefits to buying into the patriarchal way of life hook line and sinker, but there are pitfalls as well. Lets take a closer look…

First of all, let me clarify what I mean by patriarchy. I am referring to structures that are hierarchical, competitive, controlling and divisive in nature. I am not referring to any version of the “me too” movement, or women controlling the world in any way shape or form. For the purposes of this article I am discussing alternatives to the patriarchy (which include both men and women) controlling the patriarchal systems that were  established  thousands of years ago  with  the fall of the Pagan earth ways. These structures have served us well in many ways. Though we are beginning to see new structures take root, the old patriarchal systems do continue to govern how we live, how we love, how we raise our children, how we worship, how we learn, how we punish, how we are entertained and how we interact with friend, foe and neighbour. Perhaps they do their job, but do they do it as well as they could and at what cost?

The problem with these systems , as I see it, is that they have created too much separation between people and have disconnected us from our true nature. People are stressed, depressed and living in fear. Eventually, this fear burns a hole in the soul and pushes people to act against personal principles of integrity. Sure, many people know the difference between so-called notions of “right” and “wrong” and have some form of moral compass but to what extent do they live by this compass.  What do you do to stand up against what you believe to be an injustice? Society teaches us at a young age to stand down and to shut up. The patriarchy teaches us to value status, money, appearance and public recognition above all else. But, what about its impact on heart and soul…

Furthermore, we need to examine whether the patriarchy truly offers us the affluence and security we believe it does. Every day we read about hard working, educated people that have followed the “success” rules of the patriarchy and are suddenly made redundant, lose their jobs, see their pensions wiped out, fortunes stolen, families broken up or possessions destroyed. And yet we continue to believe that this system is the only way – a system that enslaves us to money, status, possessions, where nothing is ever enough. And then, for those who have managed to hang on to money, status and possessions well into their old age what have they lost in so doing? health, family, love….

Mother nature is sending out a cry for help and she has had enough. She is tired of being abused and seeing many of her children suffer while others look away. You can take a stand by doing your bit to let go of the hold the patriarchy has on the world. I am pretty sure this will happen soon enough in any event (the signs are obvious)  so you can chose to dig in your heels, erect higher walls around your personal  kingdom, refuse to accept that the current situation is not sustainable and needs to evolve or you can chose to be a leader and help the process along. If you chose the latter, here are some tips you may find helpful:

  1. Notice the role that money, status, possessions play in your life. Just notice without judging yourself in anyway.
  2. Notice choices you make to attract more money, increase your status and acquire more possessions.
  3. Ask yourself who you would be if you lost your money, your status and/or your possessions and conversely if you suddenly acquired any/all of these.
  4. Take a risk, a small risk perhaps, but a risk all the same to stand up for something you believe in.
  5. Imagine a world where people were loved for no reason at all, just for being who they came into this world to be- Imagine and dream….

Imagine and dream a world into being where it is possible, safe and actually encouraged to be loving, kind and compassionate to everyone you come into contact with and in all you do. Imagine a  world where you not only tend to your garden but to your neighbour’s as well, a world where everyone matters, a world where  you look to serve and to support. Imagine if everyone did this…..Let your imagination soar.

Namaste,

Nicole

Nicole Rolland

Nicole Rolland is the author of  “Stepping into Consciousness- A Guide to Living a Life of Joy, Meaning, and Abundance”  and the owner of Nicole Rolland Yoga & Meditation (NRYM)

Nicole Rolland Yoga & Meditation
Yoga, Meditation and Mindfulness Coaching
T (1) 514.824.8510
​info@nicolerolland.com